"I'm a good person," Shen Qingqiu laments. "I've always tried to work hard and behave properly, so how'd I get saddled with a brat like you?"

He gives Crichton an arch look and holds out his hand, saying, "If you're my son, then be a good boy and help your poor mother find someplace to sit down close to the fire, won't you? My head is killing me."

You've heard of gay chicken? Well get ready for the latest innovation, straight from this weirdo's twisted brain: MILF roleplay chicken.

"And for the record," he adds, "It only takes a few extra minutes to get dressed, and my clothes are way more comfortable than anything you're used to wearing, I'm sure."